Of all the decisions a family makes when planning a funeral, music is often the one that brings the most comfort, and the most tears. A single song can say what words can’t. But it can also feel like a lot of pressure to choose, especially when you’re grieving and worried about getting it “right”. So let me take some of that worry away.
How much music do I need?
Most crematorium and celebrant-led services have space for three pieces of music, though this is flexible and your venue or funeral director will tell you exactly what’s possible:
- Entrance music, played as the coffin is brought in and people take their seats. This sets the tone for everything that follows.
- Reflection music, played partway through, during a quiet moment when everyone is invited to sit with their own memories. This is often the most emotional point of the service.
- Exit music, played as everyone leaves. This is your last word, and it’s your chance to send people out feeling whatever you’d like them to feel, whether that’s peace, hope, or a smile through the tears.
You don’t have to fill all three, and you can sometimes have more. What matters is that each piece earns its place.
Start with the person, not the “right” song
The most common mistake is to reach for the songs you think you’re supposed to play at a funeral. Instead, start with the person. What did they actually listen to? What was on in the car, or the kitchen, or the shed? What did they dance to at their wedding, or sing badly on holiday? What would make the people in that room nudge each other and smile, because it is so completely them?
A funeral that sounds like the person it’s for will always move people more than one that sounds like a funeral.
Gentle, moving pieces for reflection
If you’d like something tender for the quiet moment, families often choose pieces like:
Supermarket Flowers by Ed Sheeran, Fix You by Coldplay, Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Eva Cassidy, Angels by Robbie Williams, Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd, or Time to Say Goodbye by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman.
Classical choices such as Nimrod from Elgar’s Enigma Variations, Pachelbel’s Canon in D, or Clair de Lune by Debussy are quietly beautiful, and work whether or not the service is religious.
Uplifting songs to come in or go out to
Entrance and exit music doesn’t have to be sombre. Many families want to walk out to something that lifts the room:
What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong, Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles, (Is This the Way to) Amarillo, You’ll Never Walk Alone, My Way by Frank Sinatra, or Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Monty Python, which has sent more than one much-loved person off with laughter as well as tears.
If your person had a team, a band, a film or a show they adored, that theme tune or anthem can be the most fitting goodbye of all.
Hymns and traditional choices
If faith was part of their life, or the family simply find comfort in the familiar, traditional hymns like Abide With Me, The Lord Is My Shepherd, Jerusalem, How Great Thou Art or Morning Has Broken are as welcome as any pop song. A celebrant-led funeral can include hymns and modern music side by side. It is entirely your choice.
Don’t worry about what’s “appropriate”
I’ll say it again because it matters: there is no such thing as an inappropriate funeral song, if it’s true to the person. I have seen families worry that a track is too upbeat, too silly, or too unusual, when it is exactly the thing that will make everyone in the room feel their person is right there with them. Trust that instinct.
A few practical things worth knowing
Before you settle on your choices, it helps to check a few details, and this is something I’ll always help you with:
- Check your venue can play your chosen versions. Most crematoria use a music system and can play almost anything, but it’s worth confirming the exact recording and artist you want, as there are often many versions of the same song.
- Think about length. A full song can feel long in a quiet room, so pieces are often faded in or out at the right moment rather than played end to end.
- Consider live music. A single musician, a chosen reader singing, or a favourite choir can be incredibly moving, either instead of or alongside recorded tracks.
- Write down your final choices clearly, including the artist, so there’s no mix-up on the day. Again, I’ll make sure all of this is passed on correctly.
Let me help you choose
Choosing music is one of the loveliest, and hardest, parts of saying goodbye. If you’re not sure where to start, that’s completely normal, and it’s part of what I’m here for. When we meet, I’ll listen to who your person was, and together we’ll find the music that tells their story.
Start a conversation · rosie@rosiesayers.co.uk · 07380 747534
Your story, beautifully told.