As a funeral celebrant, I sit with families at one of the hardest moments of their lives. I listen to the story of the person who has died, and together we shape a service that is truly theirs. It is a privilege, and it matters enormously. But I am also very aware of something the week sets out to remind us of: the service is not the end of grief. In many ways, it is the beginning.
In the days around a funeral, there are people everywhere, cards on the mantelpiece, casseroles at the door, the phone ringing. And then, often quite suddenly, it goes quiet. Everyone else returns to normal life, and the person who is grieving is left in a house that feels too still. That gap, the weeks and months after the funeral, is so often when support is needed most, and when it is least likely to come.
That is really what National Grief Awareness Week is about. A few of the things it gently asks us all to remember:
- Say their name. We often avoid mentioning someone who has died, for fear of upsetting the person grieving. Almost always, it is the opposite that is true. Hearing their loved one’s name, and being invited to share a memory, is a comfort, not a wound. It tells them the person is still remembered.
- There is no timetable for grief. We talk about people needing to move on, or get over it. Grief does not really work that way. People move forward carrying their loss, and it can resurface for the rest of their lives, often triggered by a date, a song, a season. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and no deadline for it.
- There is no single face of grief. Someone can be smiling, going to work, holding it all together, and still be struggling underneath. A quiet check-in, long after the funeral, can mean more than you know.
The beauty of the campaign is that getting involved asks very little of us. You can check in on a neighbour who has had a loss. You can put the kettle on and simply listen. You can share the campaign’s messages online using #OpenUpToGrief. And on the evening of the 8th of December, landmarks and buildings up and down the country will be lit orange at 6pm, a small, bright act of solidarity with everyone who is grieving this winter. You can find out more, and download everything you need, at thegoodgrieftrust.org.
If this is your first Christmas without someone, please be gentle with yourself. Do only what you can manage, say no to what you cannot, and let people help. And if you are supporting someone who is grieving, you do not need the perfect words. You just need to be there, to say their name, and to keep showing up long after the flowers have faded.
I am a celebrant, not a counsellor, so if you or someone you love needs bereavement support, please do reach out to the people who are there for exactly that. The Good Grief Trust brings together bereavement services from across the UK in one place, a kind and practical first step for anyone who is not sure where to turn.
This National Grief Awareness Week, let’s do the simplest and kindest thing of all. Let’s talk about them, and let’s look after one another.